We went from "I'm pregnant" to Gina waddling around the house. It’s funny, I can't laugh out loud, but it’s funny. Here are a few things you may encounter while living with a pregnant, yet hot and beautiful, lady:
1. She will steal your second pillow, to give herself three. It’s for her legs, while she lies on her side. Even if your pillow is in between your legs because you have lower back arthritis, she will take it. It’s not really stealing when she says, "baby, I'm taking your pillow". Me, "ok".
2. Holme girl really can't get off the couch anymore, if she's lying down. A Queen may have a game, with her peasants, called, "feed me boy". It’s the Queen's game because the peasants will not want to play it. Gina has such a game called, "Dead Weight", in which she goes limp. I get to pull her up on to her feet. I lose every time.
3. Don't argue. Pick and choose your battles. When I say pick and choose your battles, don't pick any battles. Fall on your sword, it goes through smooth.
4. If she cries, just hug her. Don't try to fix it. Gina hasn't cried too much, but she will go from happy times to tear times. Just hug it out.
5. Read the pregnancy books. You may not read them all, but look at them. When I say look at them I don't mean pick your keys up from them. Give them good attention. Definitely buy Daddy books. They aren't quite as daunting and usually funny.
7. Don't laugh at heartburn. Sometimes Gina has the heartburn and her mouth sounds like a lava pool with little gas bubble bursts. Don't laugh at her or with her, just keep it to yourself, and get her some antacid or milk.
8. Just because her boobs became larger it doesn't mean she had breast implants, or wants them overly handled...at all. The fun bag fairy did not grant your wish. Do not go at them doing the Zombie walk with overly active fingers. Ask if she would like help applying the body butter to mitigate stretch marks. It is an activity you both can enjoy. I've made this mistake three times, already. Awesome. Woe betide the poor soul who does not heed this warning.
Until next time, friends
