We went from "I'm pregnant" to Gina waddling around the house. It’s funny, I can't laugh out loud, but it’s funny. Here are a few things you may encounter while living with a pregnant, yet hot and beautiful, lady:
1. She will steal your second pillow, to give herself three. It’s for her legs, while she lies on her side. Even if your pillow is in between your legs because you have lower back arthritis, she will take it. It’s not really stealing when she says, "baby, I'm taking your pillow". Me, "ok".
2. Holme girl really can't get off the couch anymore, if she's lying down. A Queen may have a game, with her peasants, called, "feed me boy". It’s the Queen's game because the peasants will not want to play it. Gina has such a game called, "Dead Weight", in which she goes limp. I get to pull her up on to her feet. I lose every time.
3. Don't argue. Pick and choose your battles. When I say pick and choose your battles, don't pick any battles. Fall on your sword, it goes through smooth.
4. If she cries, just hug her. Don't try to fix it. Gina hasn't cried too much, but she will go from happy times to tear times. Just hug it out.
5. Read the pregnancy books. You may not read them all, but look at them. When I say look at them I don't mean pick your keys up from them. Give them good attention. Definitely buy Daddy books. They aren't quite as daunting and usually funny.
7. Don't laugh at heartburn. Sometimes Gina has the heartburn and her mouth sounds like a lava pool with little gas bubble bursts. Don't laugh at her or with her, just keep it to yourself, and get her some antacid or milk.
8. Just because her boobs became larger it doesn't mean she had breast implants, or wants them overly handled...at all. The fun bag fairy did not grant your wish. Do not go at them doing the Zombie walk with overly active fingers. Ask if she would like help applying the body butter to mitigate stretch marks. It is an activity you both can enjoy. I've made this mistake three times, already. Awesome. Woe betide the poor soul who does not heed this warning.
Until next time, friends
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Baby Mama's Go-To Tips!
*Stock up on Tylenol, Coco Butter to avoid stretch marks, Tums, Hemorrhoid Medicine (sorry...but it's true. Always talk to your doctor first before taking anything.
*Buy a juicer. It seems like every pregnant woman craves juice (perhaps it's the sugar)and it's better to juice your own then to buy store-bought juice that is filled with sugar and less nutrients.
*Always keep snacks with you. Fruit was a big one for me as well as nuts and crackers.
*Buy a heat pad....it's great for the back pain.
*Just buy pregnancy clothes already!! The longer you wait the more uncomfortable you become. The first three months of your pregnancy you just feel like you been sitting around drinking beer and gaining weight. Most people do not know that you are pregnant....you just look fat. Why not be comfortable while gaining the weight?
*Chill out! Stress will not help your pregnancy and will only effect your baby in a negative way. Try to enjoy your pregnancy. If you need to rest, just rest and don't take to much on.
*Don't read the bad stuff. Women have been having babies for centuries and most likely everything will be fine. The more negative stuff you read regarding "what could happen" the more stress you will bring to yourself.
*If you want the cookie, just eat it and don't feel bad about it.
*Trust your own judgment. Everyone will try and give you advice and take it with a grain of salt. Seriously, you know what's best for you.
*If you can afford it definitely schedule some pregnancy messages...they are a back saver not to mention a sanity saver.
*Enroll in pre-natal yoga. It will help you become centered and flexible and it's nice to be surrounded by other pregnant women.
*Hiking is a great way to get some cardio. It's at your own pace and you get your nature fix.
*Buy a juicer. It seems like every pregnant woman craves juice (perhaps it's the sugar)and it's better to juice your own then to buy store-bought juice that is filled with sugar and less nutrients.
*Always keep snacks with you. Fruit was a big one for me as well as nuts and crackers.
*Buy a heat pad....it's great for the back pain.
*Just buy pregnancy clothes already!! The longer you wait the more uncomfortable you become. The first three months of your pregnancy you just feel like you been sitting around drinking beer and gaining weight. Most people do not know that you are pregnant....you just look fat. Why not be comfortable while gaining the weight?
*Chill out! Stress will not help your pregnancy and will only effect your baby in a negative way. Try to enjoy your pregnancy. If you need to rest, just rest and don't take to much on.
*Don't read the bad stuff. Women have been having babies for centuries and most likely everything will be fine. The more negative stuff you read regarding "what could happen" the more stress you will bring to yourself.
*If you want the cookie, just eat it and don't feel bad about it.
*Trust your own judgment. Everyone will try and give you advice and take it with a grain of salt. Seriously, you know what's best for you.
*If you can afford it definitely schedule some pregnancy messages...they are a back saver not to mention a sanity saver.
*Enroll in pre-natal yoga. It will help you become centered and flexible and it's nice to be surrounded by other pregnant women.
*Hiking is a great way to get some cardio. It's at your own pace and you get your nature fix.
Friday, October 22, 2010
All Women Are Made Differently!
I am now 17 weeks pregnant and I think the best advice I can give is to NOT compare yourself to other mommies. My mantra these days is to remember that all women are made differently and if and when you get pregnant it becomes so obvious how different you are from your fellow peers who are also pregnant. In the world of pregnancy I am one those woman who is showing rather quickly. Thankfully, it's all in my mid-section, and boobs but I know that will change. I am sure slowly it will beging to spread to my bum and that's ok too. Just secure yourself a kick-ass trainer for after-baby.
I spoke to my doctor about it the other day and she was rather supportive yet frank. She said that my weight gain is fine and to monitor it and try and keep it under 30 pounds and that 25 pounds would be ideal. As long as you feel good, are eating mostly healthy and exercising you are fine.
You will have to tell yourself this weekly if not daily but also remember it's a great lesson in acceptance and NOT beating yourself up through this process.
I spoke to my doctor about it the other day and she was rather supportive yet frank. She said that my weight gain is fine and to monitor it and try and keep it under 30 pounds and that 25 pounds would be ideal. As long as you feel good, are eating mostly healthy and exercising you are fine.
You will have to tell yourself this weekly if not daily but also remember it's a great lesson in acceptance and NOT beating yourself up through this process.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Strangers On A Plane
My beautiful bride and I were traveling from the East Coast (of The United States) and experienced the following:
At Reagan International Airport, I bought a book, an easy fiction read. Normally, I read a book, listen to music, and sleep. Gina already had a book. We were set and ready to fly for five and a half hours. This time, destiny intervened. Or maybe it was destiny's child? I don't know. Maybe it was destiny's awful neighbor, who likes to water their lawn in a robe seven years too tight and way too short. Maybe it was destiny's grandmother? Yeah, that's it, destiny's grandmother. Let's call her DeGas.
Yes, enter DeGas.
Gina and I preboarded the plane. The best part about preboarding a plane is people watching. In our immediate circle was a Mom, with two kids. Her kids ranged from 2 years to 4 years. Another passenger was a complete type A lady, about late forties, with all of the Mom confidence in the world. Also, she was from the North-a Yank, quite possibly from Jersey. Therefore, she did most of her talking with her hands. Lastly, were five women, about 200 years old, Yoda's sisters: the Yodettes. DeGas may have been younger than these ladies. Good for them, though, because they would not hear any baby cries, or a 9/11 part deux, or me making moans as I read a natural childbirth book.
The plane ride was fairly normal...until we reached the Midwest. Maybe it was the lore of the baby making Midwest which led Gina to give me the natural child birthing book. I don't know. DeGas, with your meddling paintbrush!
I remember looking at pictures of very very happy women (not being sarcastic at all) as they had their babies. I saw everything. The women were smiling from ear to ear, as the babies were about halfway out. I did not, at all, understand. Every movie or story I've ever heard was fierce, as in angry women, upset at their man friends for "doing this to me!!". These ladies looked like Berkeley hippies at a say yes to dope festival...or like they were being tickled. It was crazy.
As I looked at these contradictory pictures, my face was that of the crying half-out baby, not that of the supremely happy natural Mom. What in the Warhol was I looking at?
The type A lady chimed in, "is it your first?" First what? The first time I've ever seen a woman look as if she's watching Last Comic Standing while giving birth? Yep, first time. Gina tells her, "Yes, it’s our first". Jersey Mom proceeds with the following story (inherent regional accent and hand talking):
Her-"My father wanted to be a part of my childbirth, forget about it, oh my gawwwshhh. He went to every Dr.'s appointment. He was even there during the childbirth. He was so excited about it that he wanted to actually watch the baby coming out. He went around and watched the baby come out of my VAGINA (hands going crazy)."
Me-internal voice: "Adam, why is your mouth full of saliva as if you are about to vomit? Because, Adam, this is not normal. In fact, its the opposite of normal, abnormal, ummmkay?"
Her-"So, there he was watching the baby come out of my VAGINA (she couldn't have said the v word more loud, across the aisle from us. Luckily, the Yodettes were in front and didn't hear a thing). So, a couple of days later he couldn't look at me in the face. Finally, I confronted him and asked, 'what's your problem?' He said, 'I saw your VAGINA'. Oh Gawwwsh, I said, big deal(again, her hands a blazin')."
At this point my head was spinning, mouth open, and I wondered if the next five months would be the same. Probably, it’s all good. I turn around to see the other Mom, the one with two kids, changing her little two year old in front of everyone. Yep, there was his little brown star, packed with poop, being changed. His sister was draped over him, asleep. Awesome.
The type A lady turned out to be really cool. She gave us great advice. We finally made it home, full of advice and bad plane food. The former is something I'll never forget. Thank you, DeGas, I appreciate and understand the situation in which you placed us.
At Reagan International Airport, I bought a book, an easy fiction read. Normally, I read a book, listen to music, and sleep. Gina already had a book. We were set and ready to fly for five and a half hours. This time, destiny intervened. Or maybe it was destiny's child? I don't know. Maybe it was destiny's awful neighbor, who likes to water their lawn in a robe seven years too tight and way too short. Maybe it was destiny's grandmother? Yeah, that's it, destiny's grandmother. Let's call her DeGas.
Yes, enter DeGas.
Gina and I preboarded the plane. The best part about preboarding a plane is people watching. In our immediate circle was a Mom, with two kids. Her kids ranged from 2 years to 4 years. Another passenger was a complete type A lady, about late forties, with all of the Mom confidence in the world. Also, she was from the North-a Yank, quite possibly from Jersey. Therefore, she did most of her talking with her hands. Lastly, were five women, about 200 years old, Yoda's sisters: the Yodettes. DeGas may have been younger than these ladies. Good for them, though, because they would not hear any baby cries, or a 9/11 part deux, or me making moans as I read a natural childbirth book.
The plane ride was fairly normal...until we reached the Midwest. Maybe it was the lore of the baby making Midwest which led Gina to give me the natural child birthing book. I don't know. DeGas, with your meddling paintbrush!
I remember looking at pictures of very very happy women (not being sarcastic at all) as they had their babies. I saw everything. The women were smiling from ear to ear, as the babies were about halfway out. I did not, at all, understand. Every movie or story I've ever heard was fierce, as in angry women, upset at their man friends for "doing this to me!!". These ladies looked like Berkeley hippies at a say yes to dope festival...or like they were being tickled. It was crazy.
As I looked at these contradictory pictures, my face was that of the crying half-out baby, not that of the supremely happy natural Mom. What in the Warhol was I looking at?
The type A lady chimed in, "is it your first?" First what? The first time I've ever seen a woman look as if she's watching Last Comic Standing while giving birth? Yep, first time. Gina tells her, "Yes, it’s our first". Jersey Mom proceeds with the following story (inherent regional accent and hand talking):
Her-"My father wanted to be a part of my childbirth, forget about it, oh my gawwwshhh. He went to every Dr.'s appointment. He was even there during the childbirth. He was so excited about it that he wanted to actually watch the baby coming out. He went around and watched the baby come out of my VAGINA (hands going crazy)."
Me-internal voice: "Adam, why is your mouth full of saliva as if you are about to vomit? Because, Adam, this is not normal. In fact, its the opposite of normal, abnormal, ummmkay?"
Her-"So, there he was watching the baby come out of my VAGINA (she couldn't have said the v word more loud, across the aisle from us. Luckily, the Yodettes were in front and didn't hear a thing). So, a couple of days later he couldn't look at me in the face. Finally, I confronted him and asked, 'what's your problem?' He said, 'I saw your VAGINA'. Oh Gawwwsh, I said, big deal(again, her hands a blazin')."
At this point my head was spinning, mouth open, and I wondered if the next five months would be the same. Probably, it’s all good. I turn around to see the other Mom, the one with two kids, changing her little two year old in front of everyone. Yep, there was his little brown star, packed with poop, being changed. His sister was draped over him, asleep. Awesome.
The type A lady turned out to be really cool. She gave us great advice. We finally made it home, full of advice and bad plane food. The former is something I'll never forget. Thank you, DeGas, I appreciate and understand the situation in which you placed us.
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