Hurricane Kagina

Although Gina hasn't had the typical cravings associated with pregnancy, she knocked it out of the park today.  In fact, Hurricane Kagina devoured everything within a 10 ft radius.  It was a little compulsive but altogether awesome, and I'm glad she enjoyed it.  The following tale isn't really about a craving in the sense of eating the same type of food over and again, but satisfying a ravenous hunger which accompanies pregnancy.   

-"Baby, what did you eat today?"

-"Well, for breakfast I had an egg sandwich with jelly."

-"What do you mean with jelly, on the side?"

-"No, I put jelly on the egg sandwich."

-"On the sandwich?  That's nasty."

-"No its not, it was good.  I don't know why I did it.  Then I had an Almond Joy.  I shoved it in my face as I was walking through the parking lot from the store."

That poor Almond Joy had no chance.  In fact, I bet there was no joy.  Right before she ate it, the candy bar renamed itself Almond Sad.  I can imagine her eating the candy bar with one hand and pushing the cart with another.  

-"Then I had an entire case of cherries.  I ate half of the case on the way home from the store and then ate the rest of them over the sink.  Then I had some toffee, and then I ate some chips.  The toffee was so good."

-"Wow, you never eat chips."

-"I know!  This is a first!"

-"Its a total first." 

Chewie And The Freight Train

Last night was New Year's eve.  Gina and I had a great night.  We started by watching a funny movie, then went to a dinner.  Being New Year's eve, aka rookie night, we decided to walk to dinner.  There's a great spot around the corner called, Townhouse Bar and Grill.  We started with fried prawns (only a few, pregnancy won't allow much more than that) and garlicky french fries.  Then came the warm brussel sprout salad with its little dose of bacon.  For the entrées, Gina ordered a rib-eye steak medium rare, and I ordered stroganoff.  My brother said she eats more like a man than I do.  Gina loves steak.  There's nothing more sexy than a 28 week pregnant woman gettin' after a rib-eye steak.  It was hot.

Following dinner we went home and watched Rocky IV (the antagonist was NOT Ivan Drago, but his Nordic wife Ludmilla Vobet Drago, played by Brigitte Nielsen.  He had like two lines.  Her haircut is still the same.  I think they're both Nordic, actually).  We then watched the ball drop, tape delay, from NYC.  Thank you Carson Daly.  We were in bed by 12:01.

And then the magic happened.  Around 2:30 in the am, I awoke to what sounded like a freight train making love to Chewbacca.  It was like some terrible DJ was doing a crazy horror movie mix and his muse was Darth Vader's breathing.  If you didn't know it was her, and only listened to the breathing you'd think she was a 74 year old man with type two diabetes, named Lou.  As previously mentioned Gina is 28 weeks pregnant.  She's also got a chest cold.  In combination, these two make for labored breathing.

I woke up, and in a very insensitive moment, announced, "I'm going to the couch because of your breathing!".
What a jerk.  I stayed on the couch for an hour.  My punishment for the insensitivity was not being able to sleep.  I returned to bed, turned on the fan, and went back to sleep.  To make it worse Gina woke up this morning and told me she loved me, in between sneezes, twice.  Ouch!!

Happy New Year!

Water Buffalo

Relax, I'm referring to myself.  I ate so much food today.  It is 7:45 pm and I am bloated.  In the world of competitive eating one experiences highs and lows.  The highs of winning, following months of training.  And the lows of losing.  The lowest of the low being the heartache, acid reflux, irritable bowel, edema like stomach distension, and addition of pressure on internal organs which can't be soothed with a win.  The following story is a not a tale of winning.

Breakfast and lunch were normal.  I ate both meals at work.  Following work, I went to the gym, then came home and ate again.  Big mistake.  I ate Thanksgiving leftovers which filled me up.  As I ate the last green bean, Gina looked at me and said,
-"I want pizza.  I've been thinking about it a lot today."
-"Oh, ok, pizza."  Now, I didn't feel comfortable saying, "Oh, let's not.  I just finished a big meal.  I'll make you something from the kitchen."  She had wanted it all day, so it was morally imperative to order the pizza.  So, instead I said, "Oh, ok, pizza.  I'll help you eat it."  Homer Simpson, move over, you're bloated cousin's about to move in.  His name is Adam and he's put on a li'l bit of sympathy weight.

We ordered the pizza.  Her half was pineapple and ham and my half was jalapenos and peperoni.  I was doing everything I could to really put winning ingredients in to my body.  The order was smooth, but for effect, should've gone like this.
-"Yes, I'd like to place an order for a pizza.  The two halves need to be divided as such:  she'll have pineapple and ham and I'll have jalapenos and peperoni."
-"Oh, Sir, good choice.  You want the salt overload and diarrhea special?  We call that the Type II.  Don't forget to put hot sauce on it, dumb ass."
-"Yes, please, mmmmmmm.  Can't wait!"

Gina has hungry eyes.  They are more hungry than her stomach.  She feels really hungry, and wants to be hungry.  The problem is when she eats she fills up quickly, due to there not being much room down there.  So I'm stuck with the rest of her food, which follows my whole dinner.  (Now, I am completely aware that I can ask for a to go box, or just order less of my own dinner.  I have free will.  No one is forcing me to eat all of this awesome goodness)  The pizza came and it looked so good.  We dove in, and she was only able to eat three little pieces.  I ate the rest.  Good job, Adam!   As the pregnancy progresses, you may see me on the reality show, "Intervention".
-"Adam, we all love you and we're hear for a reason.  You are addicted to food.  Come on, let's go to Promises and get you fixed up."
-"No, I'm good, I promise!  I'm not going to Oxnard for rehab!  Its just sympathy weight."
-"Promises is in Malibu, not Oxnard.  Denial, buddy.  You're very blind to it right now.  "
-"Ok, let's go. 

After pizza, we went to the movies and had popcorn and a soda.  I ordered the glutton soda-a diet coke.  Gina and I ate the popcorn and finished the soda before the PREVIEWS EVEN STARTED.

As stated in previous blogs, Gina has become emotional, slightly more so than before.  Not too much, but her tears come a little quicker.  This movie was a romance.  She dabbed her eyes with tissue a couple of times.  Afterward, I offered her a hug and asked,
-"Are you ok?"
-"Yes, I'm fine.  What do you think, Mexican, Ethiopian, Thai, or pho?"  As I was stuffed from all of the food we'd eaten before, I told myself she was referring to what nationality of baby we may adopt, in the future.  She must have been?  No, she finished the question with pho, and not Vietnamese.  She meant food.
-"Are you serious?  I'm stuffed!"  I saw the wind leave the sails of her eyes as I said it.  The sails found wind again as we parked at the Vietnamese restaurant and ordered pho.  I am a water buffalo.

Momnesia

Gina has developed Momnesia.  It makes for great material!

You don't need the context to appreciate the following. This evening at dinner, as we were sitting down I said,
-"I've been thinking about Tahoe all day."
My beautifully tired and with child wife replied,
-"I know, I've been thinking about taco all day, too."
As soon as she finished saying "taco" I saw her look of recognition and awareness, which conveyed,
-"You said Tahoe, not taco. And if one wants tacos they would say, 'I've been thinking about tacos all day, as opposed to 'I've been thinking about taco all day'". She took it in stride and we both laughed over a delicious burrito,  and two tacos.  It was a great dinner. 

On our way home we went to the drug store. As we parked I asked her,
-"Do you need anything in there?"
-"Chocolate"
-"Ok, what kind of chocolate? Like a frozen dessert type, or a candy?"
-"The stuff from a package where you pour it into water and it is hot."
-"Holy cow, what? You mean like instant hot chocolate?"
-"That's it! Hot chocolate."
Momnesia

She's Totally Pregnant

We went from "I'm pregnant" to Gina waddling around the house. It’s funny, I can't laugh out loud, but it’s funny. Here are a few things you may encounter while living with a pregnant, yet hot and beautiful, lady:

1. She will steal your second pillow, to give herself three. It’s for her legs, while she lies on her side. Even if your pillow is in between your legs because you have lower back arthritis, she will take it. It’s not really stealing when she says, "baby, I'm taking your pillow". Me, "ok".

2. Holme girl really can't get off the couch anymore, if she's lying down. A Queen may have a game, with her peasants, called, "feed me boy". It’s the Queen's game because the peasants will not want to play it. Gina has such a game called, "Dead Weight", in which she goes limp. I get to pull her up on to her feet. I lose every time.

3. Don't argue. Pick and choose your battles. When I say pick and choose your battles, don't pick any battles. Fall on your sword, it goes through smooth.

4. If she cries, just hug her. Don't try to fix it. Gina hasn't cried too much, but she will go from happy times to tear times. Just hug it out.

5. Read the pregnancy books. You may not read them all, but look at them. When I say look at them I don't mean pick your keys up from them. Give them good attention. Definitely buy Daddy books. They aren't quite as daunting and usually funny.

7. Don't laugh at heartburn. Sometimes Gina has the heartburn and her mouth sounds like a lava pool with little gas bubble bursts. Don't laugh at her or with her, just keep it to yourself, and get her some antacid or milk.

8. Just because her boobs became larger it doesn't mean she had breast implants, or wants them overly handled...at all. The fun bag fairy did not grant your wish. Do not go at them doing the Zombie walk with overly active fingers. Ask if she would like help applying the body butter to mitigate stretch marks. It is an activity you both can enjoy. I've made this mistake three times, already. Awesome. Woe betide the poor soul who does not heed this warning.

Until next time, friends