Hungry Like The Squatting Wolf

Today, when I got home, I noticed my hot lady friend (wife) squatting on her pink yoga mat, with a big grin on her face.  Our two small dogs, Jack and Lucy, jumped all over her. She was squatting for four minutes at a time to help strengthen muscles associated with delivery.  As I put my stuff down, she said,
"You want to do this with me"
"Ok"

It was so hard.  It made me Almond Sad.  Everything hurt.  My ankles were sore, my lower back hurt, and I had to remember to breathe.  At one point I tried to make a joke of it and said, "We look like baseball catchers".
-"I know, I don't know how they do it".
-"Yeah, for like 9 innings.  Also, this hurts so much".
She moved a little bit, stood up and stretched, at which point I gesticulated, "I win!  You got up!"
-"This isn't a competition.  I'm having the baby, so you don't win."  She is a trooper.

While I was stationed in Korea, I observed a lot of people squatting flat on their feet like it was nothing.  I even saw men, who were 175 years old, simultaneously smoking and squatting.  I gave it a shot, and it hurt even more.  As my best friend Ben puts it, it was the "opposite of awesome".  I looked like an idiot.  I almost fell over, and I was in pain.  The last 10 seconds were the hardest.  Gina didn't complain at all.  After my supportive comment about her cheating, she got up and went about her business (without complaining).  I am weak, or as we say in Arkansas, "weak sauce".

Gina has also developed a keen sense of smell.  She's developed the smelling sense of a lichen, a mythical creature associated with werewolves.  About a month ago, I heard a "sniff, sniff, sniff".  It was raw, and not human.  I heard the sound while I was in the kitchen.  It sounded loud but so far away.  I looked up from the spice grinder, and with widened eyes cautiously walked to the bathroom towards the hungry sound.   Gina had both medicine cabinet doors (his and hers) opened.  She was sniffing up and down each cabinet making the aggressive "sniff, sniff, sniff" lichen sound.  She was nasally attentive to each shelf in each cabinet.  In my head I said, "This is awesome.  Most people don't make audible sniffs while smelling something.  She has become a wolf lady".  She asked, "do you smell that?"
-"No, not at all.  I don't smell anything."  And I truly didn't.  I think she smelled a substance coming from outside, through the walls, and into the medicine cabinets.  Or, maybe she was noticing an outside and unseen energy, through her nose.  Whatever it was, I did not have the gift to accept the smell.

Later that night, in bed, Gina gazed at me with mother pack wolf eyes, did the triple sniff, and asked, "Was that you?"
-"No, not at all, please." In my head, "WHAAAT?  She knew!"
It was me, though.  Sorry babe.